Actor Thoughts: Heart Over Hustle

This blog was originally published in September of 2017 on a personal blog.
Still relevant…

There’s a little bit of hustle to every job. In an artist’s life, hustle is the driving force. It used to be passion; now it’s hustle.

Long days and sometimes long drives — to auditions, to rehearsal, to your day job, where you memorize lines in between helping customers and cleaning up — time spent tapping into emotional baggage, time spent away from your husband, your family, time spent away from your day-to-day life, which can be really uncomfortable and distressing if you’re a homebody, like me. And that time away means that things (life) are neglected back at home.

I’ve attended 10+ auditions over the past 9 months. It’s exciting, because this is the first time I’ve really been able to go out and “try,” but it’s also exhausting. And pretty much all of those auditions lead to no where. You have to get used to hearing “no.” Actually, you hear nothing at all.

So of course, I’m quick to accept an offer when one comes along… even if that means driving to Tallahassee several times a week for a non-paying gig.

[Insert present-me here:]

What in God’s name was I thinking!?

[Proceed…]

But this weekend – the night before rehearsals in Tallahassee are supposed to begin – I couldn’t continue to ignore my own feelings. My body, my mind, my heart was begging me to stop and listen. So I did, and what I learned was that not all opportunities are made equal. It’s wonderful to feel wanted and valued for your talent and work, but sometimes opportunities come at a cost higher than what you’re willing to pay.

So instead of driving 3 hours to rehearse for a short play (3 times a week), I decided to stay home. I spent quality time with my husband and my grandpa, I caught up on laundry and general life things, and I RESTED. Something I haven’t done a lot of lately. 21st century life doesn’t always have to be about hustle.

There are days when I think ‘I’ll do whatever I must in order to pursue the things that are going to make my resume look better.’ …because I think that’s all I am. I am NOT my 1-page resume of theatrical experience. I am so much more.

Actor thoughts, to be continued…