Podcast Reviews

55 Thoughts We Had While Watching CABARET for the First Time

If you listen to our podcast (which you should) we recently talked about how there is a gap in our musical theatre knowledge. To remedy this, we’ve decided to educate ourselves during this time of quarantine. Our first stop, au Cabaret!

We’re calling these episodes “Misinformed Musicals,” where we come up with our own synopsis based only on the titles of the songs and our very minimal knowledge of the show. Next, we watch a staged version of the production and finally, we quickly discuss our thoughts on what the musical was actually about. We didn’t get to share everything, so here’s our extensive list of oPiNiOnS on the 1993 London Revival of Cabaret!

    1. ALAN CUMMING!
    2. Is that PeeWee Herman?
    3. Love the love for the Orchestra.
    4. So. Much. Nipple.
    5. Alan’s suspenders look painful.
    6. This Cabaret looks like somewhere you’d end up on accident at 4 AM after a wild night out.
    7. Alan Cumming is LIVING FOR THE CABARET.
    8. You can’t not bop to the opening number.
    9. We wanted a kick-line somewhere in the opening sequence.
    10. Just a reminder that we love Alan Cumming.
    11. Of course the American’s name is Clifford.
    12. Everything is brown.
    13. Dude’s nervous about smuggling pantyhose?
    14. Telephones on the table! How modern?!
    15. YAS ALAN WITH THE MOTO HAT.
    16. Can Alan Cumming dance through all the transitions scenes of my life?
    17. Ms. Scnieder is a peach.
    18. Faulien Schnieder is Kayla in 40 years.
    19. Oh, this woman has had a LIFE.
    20. “Who cares? So what?” is my new philosophy.
    21. The Cabaret girls are always there. Always.
    22. SALLY!!
    23. Sally is Kayla during Quarantine.
    24. Why do older musicals seem so quick and disconnected?
    25. What is Sally’s deal? Why is she “That Bitch?”
    26. I don’t understand how any of this is sexy.
    27. Kayla is getting MAJOR Rocky Horror vibes.
    28. Hot take: You don’t have to sing well to be in this musical.
    29. Butt-scooting is never sexy. Change our minds.
    30. OOOOOH he called Sally from…the table phone!
    31. Did…did she just have an orgasm from his American accent?
    32. Why are we just now finding out that it’s New Year’s Eve?
    33. Sally Bowles? More like Sally Bold, amirite?
    34. Somethings’s up with ‘ol Sally imo.
    35. lol he really asked her if she’s from Stratford on Avon.
    36. Uh oh, Borby and Victor look like trouble.
    37. So the guys kiss and it just goes to the next scene??
    38. lol small whoopi.
    39. Alan Cumming’s eyes are some kind of subtext that we are not getting.
    40. Does everyone want to bang everyone?
    41. Oh, so Sally just moves right in.
    42. We have just entered Sketchville™.
    43. OMGAH Cliff is so boring.
    44. Ok, Ms. Schnieder got a bae.
    45. So, does Alan Cumming represent sexual energy? Because for real.
    46. Ashley is bored, tbh. Kayla’s still in it.
    47. Oh shit Nazis!
    48. Is the sex worker a Nazi too? We’re confused.
    49. ASSCHEEKS. ALAN’S ASSCHEEKS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
    50. So, this show took a turn we weren’t expecting…
    51. Cliff got mad QUICK.
    52. We really love dance-fighting.
    53. Love the juxtaposition between the song “Cabaret” and what is happening in the plot.
    54. Are we to assume everyone was killed?
    55. Wow, that is an ending that will stick with you. 

Want to hear more of our thoughts on Cabaret? Listen with the embed above or click here! Don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe!

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